Lovingkindness

The Sanskrit word for lovingkindness is maitri (pronounced “my tree”) which also means friendliness or goodwill. Different from love that is shaped by desire or attachment, the basis of lovingkindness is caring for others without seeking any benefit for yourself. As Dr. John Douillard is fond of saying, “I love you but it’s no concern of yours.”

Remember the Four Boundless States we began to discuss in the last post: Equanimity, Lovingkindness, Compassion and Joy. Lovingkindness builds on Equanimity as it challenges us to extend goodwill to ALL, not just those we know or like. In fact, begin to see that all beings want to be happy and free, just like us. When we share these positive qualities with others we are also cultivating them in ourselves. That’s a win-win!

For this reason, practicing lovingkindness is a cornerstone of meditation practice. And it’s so very simple to practice.

Begin by making a list of several states you would like for yourself, such as
I want to be safe
I want to be well
I want to be peaceful
I want to be happy

From the list choose 3-6 statements you would like to repeat silently for yourself: May I be safe. May I be well. May I be peaceful. May I be happy. Repeat them one after the other or repeat one several times before moving onto the next. As you breathe slowly and deeply, allow the truth of these statements to sink deep into your mind and heart.

Lovingkindness can now be extended to others. Choose a person or other being (such as a beloved companion animal) to whom you would like to extend friendship and goodwill. Envisioning this one, offer the same positive statements to them.

Next, send lovingkindness to someone for whom you have neutral feelings, meaning they are not especially beloved or despised, just someone who you have not formed an opinion about, such as a clerk in a store.

Finally, send lovingkindness to someone with whom you have difficulty, perhaps someone who has a viewpoint different from yours. Breathing slowly and deeply, offer the positive statements to them, recognizing that this may be challenging.

A really fun way to practice lovingkindness is to share it whenever and wherever you go. Silently send a few statements of goodwill to other drivers, to colleagues at work, to family members at home, even government leaders. Do you know folks who are sick or dealing with difficulty? Send them lovingkindness. Are you concerned about a situation that’s ongoing or coming up soon? Send lovingkindness to everyone involved.

“To love is, first of all, to accept ourselves as we actually are. That is why in this love meditation, ‘Know thyself’ is the first practice of love.” –Thich Nhat Hanh