Compassion

Have you ever considered the difference between empathy and compassion? Both empathy and compassion involve our personal interaction with another being, but the results of that interaction are markedly different whether we’re responding with empathy or compassion.

Both empathy and compassion evoke a feeling within us in response to another’s difficulties or sufferings. When we feel empathy, we “feel into” the experience of the other, often resulting in a powerful reaction in the physical body—a pain in the gut, anxiety, tears. When we feel compassion, however, we “feel with” the other, mainly as a companion on the journey. Often, we feel both empathy and compassion, and it’s useful to know the difference between the two because they guide the next steps we take as we share our concern for others.

Empathy, because it is primarily and inward feeling, can cause us to get stuck in our emotions. We’ve all encountered people who have an over-the-top emotional response to someone else’s situation. I remember a co-worker of mine—a father of a young child—who cried and cried in public, following a school shooting. His emotional response was so strong he couldn’t come into the office for several days. His was a very extreme case of empathy.

Compassion, in contrast, is wishing for yourself and others the freedom from suffering and the causes of suffering. Rather than getting caught up or even stuck in the distress of body and mind, compassion invites us to act with wisdom and courage in the face of situations which can be incredibly terrifying and horrible.

Compassion makes it possible for us to turn toward others rather than turning away because the pain is just too great or too much of a burden to bear. With compassion we can soften our heart even in the presence of those things that break our heart.

Compassion is one the Four Boundless States: Equanimity, Lovingkindness, Compassion and Joy. Compassion is truly an extension of lovingkindness and equanimity for when we extend goodwill to someone who is suffering, our first hope for them is always that their suffering will come to an end. Then we are in a better position to determine what, if anything, we can do to help.

Here are some practical ways so we can identify and work with empathy and compassion:

Empathy is often a strong physical feeling of identification with the suffering of another. When you have such a feeling ask yourself, When have I felt this feeling before? If I don’t have a memory of feeling this way before, is there someone in my family line who went through a similar experience? (Feelings are transmitted from ancestors to descendants) How can I care for my feelings first so I can responsibly care for others?

Compassion is a strong feeling to alleviate the suffering of others. Ask yourself, Why do I want to help? (Look again at the questions for empathy) Is my help needed or wanted in this situation? If my help is needed, what actions are appropriate given my time and financial limitations?

“These four aspects . . . ask each of us to recognize that the only way that I can succeed is if we succeed. The only way I can be happy is if we’re happy. And the only way my life can be meaningful is if our lives are meaningful.” -Jay L. Garfield