Today we arrive at joy, one of the Four Boundless States: Equanimity, Lovingkindness, Compassion and Joy. (Check out the three prior blog posts for the others!) Joy is an extension of lovingkindness for when we extend goodwill to someone who is happy we naturally want to see their happiness continue.

Boundless joy is seeing the happiness of others then actively generating an inner joy because they are so happy. An example is when you see a child giggling while petting a dog; you can’t help but be drawn into their joy. Or when your friend opens a gift on their birthday and they are so delighted to do so; you love and care for them so you also feel joy in their delight.

Of course, the practice of boundless joy can be a challenging one too, such as when someone in our profession gets a promotion or something really great happens for them that we wish would happen for us too. Maybe it’s not yet our time to have this good thing in our life and it can sting to see someone else so happy. It’s for a time such as this that we have to make the cultivation of joy a daily practice, for when we appreciate the many moments of joy that show up in our lives every day, we are more able to celebrate the joys that unfold in others’ lives too.

Here are some ways to work with the practice of boundless joy:

Joy Journal: You’ve heard of a gratitude journal, right? In this practice we actively look for and write down moments of joy in our day. It’s always easier to feel our own joy so focus on yourself first—you got a parking spot right when and where you wanted it, one of your favorite songs came on the radio and you sang out loud in the car, you saw an amazing sunrise or sunset. Pay attention! Opportunities for joy are all around you.

Bring joy to someone else: Do things that are simple and heartfelt, like writing an encouraging note to a co-worker or smiling at the clerk in the store. Remember times when you were the source of joy for someone else and how good that made you feel.

Meditate on joy: In the Buddhist and Vedic traditions, boundless joy is also a way of meditating because it helps us expand our own joyful heart. Think about the things that bring you joy and consider how it would be if others could experience that same joy. Yes, even meditate on the tough things like seeing someone else having the success that you long for yourself. How can you generate heartfelt and true happiness for them? Isn’t this the same happiness you would want others to feel for you?

“How can we feel joy for another person when we do not feel joy for ourselves? Joy is for everyone.” -Thich Nhat Hanh
 
This is the last of our series on the Four Boundless States. They are called the “brahma-viharas” which literally means “dwelling place of the brahmas,” or “the place where God dwells.” When we think about the qualities of equanimity, lovingkindness, compassion and joy, they dwell in one place only, and that is in your heart.

Have you ever considered the difference between empathy and compassion? Both empathy and compassion involve our personal interaction with another being, but the results of that interaction are markedly different whether we’re responding with empathy or compassion.

Both empathy and compassion evoke a feeling within us in response to another’s difficulties or sufferings. When we feel empathy, we “feel into” the experience of the other, often resulting in a powerful reaction in the physical body—a pain in the gut, anxiety, tears. When we feel compassion, however, we “feel with” the other, mainly as a companion on the journey. Often, we feel both empathy and compassion, and it’s useful to know the difference between the two because they guide the next steps we take as we share our concern for others.

Empathy, because it is primarily and inward feeling, can cause us to get stuck in our emotions. We’ve all encountered people who have an over-the-top emotional response to someone else’s situation. I remember a co-worker of mine—a father of a young child—who cried and cried in public, following a school shooting. His emotional response was so strong he couldn’t come into the office for several days. His was a very extreme case of empathy.

Compassion, in contrast, is wishing for yourself and others the freedom from suffering and the causes of suffering. Rather than getting caught up or even stuck in the distress of body and mind, compassion invites us to act with wisdom and courage in the face of situations which can be incredibly terrifying and horrible.

Compassion makes it possible for us to turn toward others rather than turning away because the pain is just too great or too much of a burden to bear. With compassion we can soften our heart even in the presence of those things that break our heart.

Compassion is one the Four Boundless States: Equanimity, Lovingkindness, Compassion and Joy. Compassion is truly an extension of lovingkindness and equanimity for when we extend goodwill to someone who is suffering, our first hope for them is always that their suffering will come to an end. Then we are in a better position to determine what, if anything, we can do to help.

Here are some practical ways so we can identify and work with empathy and compassion:

Empathy is often a strong physical feeling of identification with the suffering of another. When you have such a feeling ask yourself, When have I felt this feeling before? If I don’t have a memory of feeling this way before, is there someone in my family line who went through a similar experience? (Feelings are transmitted from ancestors to descendants) How can I care for my feelings first so I can responsibly care for others?

Compassion is a strong feeling to alleviate the suffering of others. Ask yourself, Why do I want to help? (Look again at the questions for empathy) Is my help needed or wanted in this situation? If my help is needed, what actions are appropriate given my time and financial limitations?

“These four aspects . . . ask each of us to recognize that the only way that I can succeed is if we succeed. The only way I can be happy is if we’re happy. And the only way my life can be meaningful is if our lives are meaningful.” -Jay L. Garfield