I had two fascinating conversations in the past week—one with my sister and another with a young friend. Two very different stories, but both provocative examples of the value of letting go and letting be.

My sister recently fell down the stairs and broke her arm. She had surgery to insert hardware and now she is waiting to heal. It’s a tough break because it is her dominant hand, which means she is quite limited in what she can do. This is doubly frustrating for her because she is an active person who takes on all responsibility for the house, inside and outside. Her ability to clean, cook, work in the yard and do household projects has been seriously curtailed. When I asked her how she was handling the abrupt change, she said “Honey, I do what I can do and ask for help.” Letting go and letting be.

My young friend is at a crossroads in his life. Presented with two options, he is frustrated, scared, angry and stuck, unable to take the next step. As I talk with him, it sounds to me that he is unhappy with the options he sees and wants things to be different than they actually are. He doesn’t quite have the imagination for the practice of letting go and letting be, but I wonder what could unfold for him if he could step into the future with the confidence that the road would rise up to meet him? Letting go and letting be.

I first heard this phrase from one of my yoga nidra teachers. When we move into that deep rest and hypnagogic state which is the gift of practicing yoga nidra, we enter the realm of letting go and letting be, where there is nothing to do and no one to be.

You are accepted completely as you are.

There is nothing to do to prove your worthiness.

You inherit the same gifts which are freely given to all.

You might enjoy reflecting today on what “letting go and letting be” means to you. Where do you practice it more easily (like giving in to a pleasurable experience, no guilt allowed)? Where do you struggle to do it (resistance of any kind, especially the need to have things go your own way)? Perhaps you’ll be able to take a leap of faith and let the arms of love catch you today.

Welcome to the Autumnal Equinox! Which is just a fancy way of saying the seasons are changing. The changing of the seasons is a fantastic opportunity to reflect on the nature of change in our lives. I will freely admit that I do not roll with change gracefully. I LIKE routine. I LIKE things the way I like them to be. I DO NOT want certain things to change. And yet they do, continually. Why?

Change is the nature of life

About two years ago my partner and I were riding in the car just having spent a lovely morning at one of our favorite places in Tulsa. We gushed “It is so wonderful! We hope it never changes!” Within a few months all the world was locked down and most everything in our lives have been changed forever, including our favorite place. LOL

Here are a couple of reflections on change and some practices to help us all embrace the changes of life with dignity and grace.

Try observing the cycles of life. A change of seasons is the perfect moment to see how life is continually shifting. When I was in the Navy we used to have a saying about the weather: “Smooth seas today, but the storm is coming.” It was a reminder to always be prepared for stormy weather because it was going to come—maybe not this week or next, but someday for certain. Of course, the opposite is true too, when life is stormy, it won’t last forever. Ride out the storm and you will see the sunshine and calm waters again.

Practice: This practice will help you see how you have weathered storms in your life. Look back at some important events in your life. Notice the changes that took place—changes in you, in the people involved, in the circumstances of your life. Were you prepared for the changes? How did you respond to the changes? What can you learn from change?

Try embracing impermanence. I first learned about impermanence from Buddhists. They taught me that not only does everything change, but everything I have and everyone I love will pass away. I, too, will pass away. Rather than see this as a cause for sadness, we can rejoice in knowing that whatever we have in front of us right now is all we have—a beautiful sunset, a loving relationship, and even a difficult situation. They are only here for a moment so be with them fully.

Practice: I have been watching a garden spider for the past two months. Each day her circumstances are a little bit different. It is quite fascinating to behold! I invite you to find something in nature—a plant, insect, the moon—and to observe it each day for the next month or so. You will attune yourself to its subtle changes and this will open you up to the subtle changes in your own life. Embracing the small impermanence will make it easier to see, appreciate and roll with the bigger impermanence.

Happy Autumnal Equinox, friend, with gratitude for the constant changes of life.

They walk quickly in a line, almost two-by-two, as they travel from the corner of the kitchen window, onto the sill and along the side of the wall until they reach the kitchen counter. There they divide into two separate lines, one group hugging the seam of the counter moving toward the sink and dishwasher, another group climbing into the compost bowl.

The ants drive me crazy!! My sweet husband says “Don’t worry about them, they’re not doing any harm.” He is right, after all, but for some reason they really annoy me. When I stand against the counter to wash in the sink, they climb onto my clothes tickling my skin. When I need to prepare food, I have to thoroughly wash the counter to clear them all away.

We do not use harsh chemicals at our house, so I researched essential oils that deter ants. I mixed up the lovely scents and sprayed the window, wall, seams and countertop. It works! The ants stay away for a while, but they soon come back. The tenacity of those ants.

What can I learn from those little bugs?

Keep moving. They are always on the move, never deterred from their task of finding food. And the kitchen is a great place to do just that! I can learn to look in the right places for what I’m seeking and to stay focused on the task without distraction.

Work in teams. There are no lone ants; they stay in a line and work together. I can learn to stay in my own lane but to rely on the assistance of family and friends as I make my way through the day.

Perseverance. No matter how many times I chase them away, they keep coming back. I must decide what really matters in my life and keep coming back to it again and again.

Perhaps now that I have come to appreciate the ants they will be persuaded to go away. Or maybe we will just learn to co-exist.

I have been a student of Thich Nhat Hanh for 30 years. I’ve not had the opportunity to meet him in person, but he has been an old friend, mentor and guide for most of my adult life. This is what makes one of his final books At Home in the World so precious to me as he is reflecting on various events of his life now that he is in his 90s.

Thich Nhat Hanh, or Thay as he is known by his students, is a Zen Buddhist monk from Vietnam who rose to prominence in the 1960s for speaking out against the war in his country. His community did not take sides in the war but insisted that all war should be abandoned. He traveled around the world and especially throughout the United States since most of the money and weapons were provided by this country. He became close friends with The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who nominated Nhat Hanh for the Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese government would not allow him to return home and he spent most of his life in exile in the community he founded in France. He continued to travel all over the world to teach and he published over 130 books. He is also well-known for his poetry and calligraphy. In 2014 he suffered a severe stroke and can no longer speak. In recent years the Vietnamese government allowed him to return home to the monastery where he was ordained a monk to live out the rest of his days.

I love Thay’s teachings because they are so accessible to everyone, from the youngest to the oldest, for those who are drawn to the deep philosophical levels of Buddhism, and those who want to keep their practice simple. His style makes me think of the original Buddha who was such a popular teacher because he could explain the most complex teachings through stories and allusions to everyday life.

If Nhat Hanh is new to you, this would be a lovely book to read to get to know him better. The stories are short and they follow the main outline of his life from childhood to the last years of his life. He tells a story then he reflects on the deeper meaning of that story. It’s amazing how many layers there are to each one, kind of like finding the sliced strawberries under the whipped cream of a chocolate layer cake. Surprise!

Here are a couple of my favorites:

Drawing of the Buddha: He remembers seeing a drawing of the Buddha when he was just seven or eight years old. The Buddha looked so peaceful and calm and he decided that he wanted to be like that too. He invites us to adopt this same way of being when he writes “Anyone who is peaceful, loving and understanding can be called a buddha.” This is a primary teaching of Buddhism and one that can support us during these difficult days of dissension.

Drops of Compassion: This story is set just days after the attacks on the World Trade Center on 9/11/01. He was in Berkeley, California set to give a lecture to 4000 people. Wow, what a challenging time this must have been! He writes “I reminded everyone that responding to hatred with hatred will only cause hatred to multiply a thousandfold, and that only with compassion can we transform hatred and anger.” He shared the practice of mindful breathing to calm the body and embrace the fear everyone was feeling. Twenty years later his words are prophetic and the teachings still resonate in response to the challenges of the pandemic.

I know that many more generations will read Thay’s words, practice mindfulness in retreat centers, and study with the many monks and nuns ordained in the Order of Interbeing. Truly, “there is no way to peace; peace is the way” in our world, in our communities and in our hearts.

Nhat Hanh, Thich. At Home in the World: Stories and Essential Teachings from a Monk’s Life. Parallax Press, 2019.